There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
