there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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