I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
