um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
