I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
