In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
