I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
wow bdsm is so cute
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
