if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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