PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
