seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
