My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
