Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
