Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
