A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
