i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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