i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
