I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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