Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
