I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
