When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
