the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Acid is not a monday night drug
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
