i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
