One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
