Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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