I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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