I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You pole danced in your parka.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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