yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
