Are we in a gay sports bar?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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