just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
