dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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