Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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