I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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