don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
