"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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