we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
