I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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