she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
