You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
