So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
