If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
