I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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