I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
