There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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