dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
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