The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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