I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
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The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
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dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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