why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
