After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
