3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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