Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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