Having a random hookup so left but love u
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
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i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
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You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize