when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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