1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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