You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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