we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
