and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
