Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
