I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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