I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
