I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
