Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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