Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
