don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
