Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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