once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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