It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
