We're facebook friends in real life
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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