somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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